Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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