I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
