dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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