I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
