At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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