all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
