Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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