I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
ugly people sure do ruin things
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize