Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize