I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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