i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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