Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
