So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
