I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
