she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
