How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My life is pants optional.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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