i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She even gives head with a lisp.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
