i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
be right there i have to get my cape
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
