My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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