I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
