How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize