Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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