I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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