MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
