He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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