i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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