Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
