That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
