we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
