she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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