i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
