the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
