I cannot find my penis.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
