Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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