so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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