at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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