I wish I only lived at night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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