Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize