y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
