Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize