No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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