You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
