dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
