when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize