evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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