wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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