I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
