at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
