I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
