I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
high people should be assigned attendants
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
