Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
