Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
