I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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