Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Randomize