i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This house was built for laser tag.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
