i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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