can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
