fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Terrible idea I love it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
