I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize