omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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