In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
