I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
