I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
