he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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