I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
