"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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