you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I didn't notice because vodka
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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