the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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