Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
