We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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