sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
